I Am Who I Am

Do you ever get so caught up in just trying to figure everything out? Because for me it seems like that is a constant state of being… I get so caught up in trying to understand all of the details that I make everything so much harder than it needs to be, or I miss the beauty that is in the simplicity of sitting with God. I am in a book study right now and someone made a comment that hit me hard - they said “we always talk about having a peace that exceeds understanding, but in order to have that peace we must give up our belief that it is our right to understand.” You see, sometimes in God’s kindness He gives us details in order for us to understand, but sometimes He is asking us to trust Him and believe that He is who He says He is; and out of that comes this peace rather than our ability to understand.

 I think, in a way, this is the tension that Moses is sitting in when He meets God at the burning bush. When God first calls out Moses’ name Moses is eager and ready to meet with God replying “Here I am.” But when God gives him the task of leading the Israelites out of Egypt, Moses begins to let his mind get the best of him. He questions God, saying “who am I that I could do such a thing?” He begins to doubt himself. When God tells him that He will be with him, Moses then gets concerned and says “oh but if they start asking questions what do I say? How will I make it clear that you are the one doing it?” (this is me paraphrasing of course) And at that God replies “I am who I am. This is what you are to say to the Israelites; ‘I am has sent me to you.’” - Exodus 3:14 Moses was sitting here questioning every detail, but it was always as simple as God declaring who He is. Once Moses took Him at His word and stopped trying to figure everything out on His own, God orchestrated it all together for Moses to lead his people out of Egypt.

 This summer, while on a mission trip, I was sitting down having my time with God and I sat there so confused. I said “God, I came here in faith because you clearly told me to. I am having a great time and the people are amazing, but I still can’t figure out why you had me come here. Am I missing something? Do I need to look harder? Do I need to do more?” After a few minutes of silence and more confusion it became abundantly clear. God gently replied, “Tori, relax. Just slow down for a minute and take it all in. Look around you and see where I am. You are just going through your day going from thing to thing and you are doing a great job getting it done, but today look for me in the mundane tasks. Look for me in every activity, conversation, location, etc. I am here. I am doing so much more than you think, I am in the subtle things. All you have to do is breathe and look around to see that I am all that I am.”

You might be asking what all of this has to do with God and His declaration of “I am.” It actually has everything to do with that statement. We know the character of God to be a good, loving father. We know Him to be provider, healer, the one who sees us, the one who is near, almighty, all powerful, king of kings, etc. He is all of these things – and because He is all of these things we often overcomplicate who He is, when He simply IS. It sounds weird, but Yahweh just IS all of these things. Once we give up our right to try to understand this, we can begin to build this trust with God because we will simply get to know who He is at a personal level. When we try to psychoanalyze everything about who God is, we miss the chance to know Him in the ways that He wants us to see and trust Him.

In my time in Nashville, God wanted me to see him as near, ever present, and always moving in the stillness. At the burning bush, God wanted Moses to trust that He is a God of His word, that He will pave the way, and that He will always be with Moses.  Sometimes it’s okay to step back from all of the details… and trust me I LOVE the details… but sometimes it’s more important to see the bigger picture and just relax for a minute while God launches everything into action. Sometimes the details are too much for us to handle, so in God’s protection we aren’t given them right away. That is why Moses only saw God’s back through the fire and had to get on His face, the details of God’s glory are too much for us to handle.

It all comes back to trust. I know that trust can be really difficult with people, but I also know that it can be extremely easy with God. God doesn’t change. He was, and is, and is to come. He will always be who He is. So take heart in knowing that no matter what happens around you on earth, God is Yahweh, the ultimate I am. You can always trust Him because He isn’t going anywhere and His deepest desire is simply to know you and connect with you.
 
Author | Tori Kramer