Keep Showing Up

Don’t be afraid of doubt.

God meets you in your doubt if you let Him in.

My freshman year of college, I was met with all of these ideas that I thought collided with my faith and meant I could no longer believe in God.
 
I tried to run from them, but they kept coming back.  My doubts became a burden that made normal life really hard.  When in class, I wrestled with them.  When I was with my friends, the doubts were still in the back of my mind.  When I tried to spend time with God, it was extremely difficult.

I felt ashamed because I didn’t think any other Christians thought like this (turns out a lot of us do, but just don’t talk about it).

Searching for answers was scary to me because I was afraid of finding an answer that I did not want to hear about God.

What I learned about God in this season, is that He is not the least bit afraid of doubt.  He showed me what He showed Moses in Exodus 3:14 ; He showed me that He is, meaning what’s true is true about Him because He doesn’t change based on what I see or think of Him.  I cannot make anything true or untrue about Him, and that is comforting to know.
 
During that time, I was desperate for truth and I brought that to God.
 
He met me there.
 
Slowly.

If I had it my way, I would’ve wanted all of the answers right at the moment of my first doubt about Him.

But God is different.

He showed me His heart for me.

As I sat with God in the discomfort of having so many questions about Him, over and over He showed me that He saw me and that He cared about where I was.
 
I left my heart and the future I so badly wanted with God in His hands.  I let Him show me that He was real.  And He showed up.

He brought me people to walk with me through this.  They challenged me to look for God.  They introduced me to books that could answer some of my questions and fought for me in prayer.

Doubting is not easy.  Finding confidence again can be slow.  I did get some answers.  I still have questions sometimes, but they aren’t as daunting anymore because I have a deeper confidence in God because He gave me His heart.

To those who haven’t found answers yet,  to those who feel like your faith is slipping between your fingers,  Know that you are not alone.  You are not a bad Christian.  Hope in Jesus is not lost.
 
You have full permission to bring your questions to God.  He is big enough.  You have full permission to wrestle with God.  Be confident that He will mark you in the end, just like He did with Jacob.
 
Don’t stop showing up.
 
Please.
 
Even when showing up feels really really hard, and even when you are not sure God is even there to show up to, do it.
 
He will come.

He will meet you there.
 
I promise.
 
It might take longer than you think.
 
It might look way different than you expect.
 
It may be really uncomfortable and scary at times.
 
He is faithful to show up.
 
He is not offended.
 
He meets the doubt that we bring before Him with the deepest of love. 
 
Keep showing up, friend.

A few verses that I held onto during times of doubt:

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” - Psalm 27:13-14

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” -Jeremiah 33:3

“I will give them a heart to know me, that I am the Lord.  They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me with all their heart.” - Jeremiah 24:7 


Author | Lauren Forbes 
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